Hi again, month 10 post op, month 27 in braces.

Hi friends. Its been awhile. The last few weeks have been interesting and heavy. Quite a bit has happened since my last post.

Most blogs and blogger friends that I've come across have usually sang praises from the highest mountains about their results and experiences with jaw surgery this far along in the process. I unfortunately cannot say the same. I've had a hard, hard, time adjusting and readjusting to my face, changes that happen daily, weekly, monthly- a face that I have now calibrated and re-calibrated to be my own changes again and again. Some handle change well, and others like myself, not so much.
Im upset, disappointed, and frustrated with how things are right now- it is not at all what I had planned or anticipated for and I often find myself avoiding my face and mirrors because of it.

I know I havent updated and posted pictures of my face and that makes it harder for those who havent seen it to understand what is going on.

Long story short- I noticed something was wrong with my face at about the 4-5 month mark. The swelling that I was complaining about was actually a blessing, it gave me so much fatty, healthy, young volume! It was beautiful- and it masked ALL the underlying problems that would surface as the swelling would subside. I know everyone is eager for the swelling to go down, trust me I was too. But as it went down I saw that my jaw angles were uneven, my cheeks were uneven, my midlines were off, my teeth levels were uneven- leaving me with two different new faces instead of one looking back at me.

Back in January I was mentally spent- and emailed my surgeon (my last post) and flew out two weeks later to go meet with him. Since I usually anticipate the worst, I kinddddd of knewww what was coming but didnt quite know how to emotionally deal with hearing it outside of my head. So I meet with Dr.G and he starts looking at my bite and says "hmmmm class II".... and right THERE (in my head of course) was like AHA HERE WE GO! This wave of dread hit me and I had to restrain myself from showing it. We did some scans, took some pictures, took molds, took imprints of my bite, measured some teeth etc etc etc.... After about an hour of that, before I even got to pulling out my questions, my surgeon tells me he sees what's wrong, he knows what is going on. In my case its a number of things rather than one single thing that is throwing my whole facial balance and symmetry off. He then proceeds to explain my jaw angles are uneven due to the type of plates and that my lower jaw was pushing the plates up and out, hence causing the flaring and exaggerated jawline. One of my upper plates on the same side near my nose was starting to get pushed out and is causing some issues with volume. My chin strain was caused by a plate and he explained how the muscles wrapped themselves around the plate causing my lower lip to hang a bit below my lower teeth. My midlines were off- he said by 1-2 mm but was even more dramatic because of the slanting of my teeth, gum inflammation and variable tooth size. He then tells me the only way to correct these issues is with, of course, more surgery. He pauses and apologizes.....I pause for a minute understanding these aren't my thoughts, in my head speaking to me, this is my surgeon saying it. This is real, my greatest fear to end up lopsided happened... Instantly all my frustration, anger, resentment just seemed to tumble out of me. I burst out crying and could not stop for awhile. He then went on to explain what we could do to fix various issues. No more questions came to mind, I kind of shut down and wanted to get out of the office and be alone, I was going to follow up with him tomorrow anyways. I sped off and sat at the edge of the coast, alone, feeling resentment and hatred towards myself for having gone through this process.

Fast forward a few weeks later, I meet up with my ortho for my adjustment. Now I think very highly of him, and he's been open and explaining whats been going on for the duration of my treatment. But Im starting to get frustrated, as he cant seem to get my teeth where they need to be so I can get out of braces. Now for any of my adult friends in braces, feel free to read up on the medical literature of adults in prolonged braces treatment. After 24 months of being in braces, no matter how much you upkeep with cleaning and care, its too much a strain on the body to be in braces, you increase the risk of gum disease, bone loss etc etc. Now not only am I lopsided but the alarm is ticking for me to get out of braces, fast! I am not sure if he and my surgeon see eye to eye on my orthodontic treatment, I feel they do not, and at this point I dont know who to listen to anymore. He made some adjustments and said in my next appointment he would be taking off my top braces so my gums and teeth can breathe (for a weekish). I plan on getting a cleaning at that time as well.

My thoughts at this point in time, are all over the place. Remorse, frustration, sadness, anger. A few more issues have surfaced to my eyes  (over impacted upper jaw and lack of facial volume)...Im trying to remain sane, and hopeful that these issues will be resolved with treatment and additional surgery. Realistic expectations and reality have not lined up, ha! To be quite clear, I never signed up or expected to come out looking like a model or THIS or THAT person- I just wanted to be a much better version of me. But now I feel, I've ruined any potential for that, and we're just trying to correct things to just not look worse. A good friend who had the surgery was telling me "no one gets out of this surgery alive", and by that, meaning its never perfect. Well some people get lucky, but for most not so.

For now, Im going to be communicating more frequently to my ortho and surgeon to get out of these braces asap. Also spend more time doing my research before moving forward with anymore dicing and slicing of my face,  and try to stay busy and distracted with things that matter to me. Hopefully I'll have something more upbeat to report on, but for now, this is it. Take care friends. Over and out.